“You’re not trying”

“You’re not trying” or “You’re not trying hard enough”

Two phrases I’ve heard before and they actually hurt, and I’ve heard them from a couple people lately. I generally just shrug it off, but there are some moments when I hear it that I just kinda want to cancel the day, curl up in my bed and just forget everything else exists. Of course, this also gives people who like throwing that phrase around ammunition to do so.

The last time I heard this from someone I loved very much, it pretty much killed any sort of relationship possibility and future contact. I mean, they couldn’t see how hard I actually was trying outside their window into my life, but still threw that phrase at me and with misplaced anger and hate behind it.

You never know how hard someone is or is not trying to do something when you say one of those phrases, nor do you know the specifics of the person’s situation that you’re saying it to, I think it’s one of those things you should never say to somebody.

So, if you’re reading this, keep on being you, you’re awesome, I believe in you.

Broke my bed, woo fun!

So recently my bed’s been a bit funny, kinda leaned to one side lower than the other, turned out I somehow managed to break my bed! To be fair though it didn’t break proper until earlier this week when I had a sudden shock from that feeling like you’re falling. then I did fall because the bed base broke entirely! I tried to curl up to sleep on the bed in the spare bedroom until I could have help getting bed disassembled and moved so I could put my mattress down to sleep in my own bed, that wasn’t until way later though.

I could hear so much more going on when I was curled up trying to sleep in the spare room (which used to be my room when I was younger), I appreciate where I sleep now so much more, except when it rains, there’s a metal car port roof outside my bedroom at my neighbor’s house.

I know, it’s not much, but at least I’m writing something!

OH! Before I forget, I have a ko-fi goal now to help get a new GPU for my computer (because I’d like to try to stream and my current one is dying). I’m trying to save myself for it to, but since most of what I get goes towards me actually not being unalive, it’s kinda demoralizing when I see my own progress. 😢


Here’s a link though! Ko-fi goal, a new GPU!



I’m out for now, it’s 0537 here (5:37AM) and I’m trying to get my sleep schedule back to what is normal for me, at least trying to anyway.

Hugs and boops people!

I made a ko-fi thingy

Yeah, I made one of those ko-fi things that I may actually use for stuff like with streaming if I can ever get into it (need new GPU//aiming for 3060 at least), but at most, reserved my name on the platform at least

See the Coffee up up there *points up* that’s a link if you wanna look.

Sleep time! boop <3

I’m conscious during the day, do not like.

Trying to get my sleep schedule back to normal, so being awake during the day, DO. NOT. LIKE.

Sure, it’s “normal” for you normies, but I’m not you, day is my night. so I’m cranky.

On the plus side, tweeted to NZXT on twitter and in the span of 20-30 minutes, they replied to me to submit a ticket to see if they have any of the fans I use on my Radiator (AER-P//non-rgb) in their inventory because I couldn’t find any in stock anywhere and mine aren’t even 2 years old and they’re making hella sus sound =(

I also actually made the choice and got a Star Citizen starter pack, too many damn videos in my recommended watching stuff finally got to me, so I’ll spin that up soon and have some fun.

Keep on doing you buddies.